Navigating the treacherous waters of personal and professional boundaries, I, Loren Johnson, am your compass in this week's War of the Mind podcast. My journey through the shadows of domestic violence and the grip of heroin addiction has led me to a place of hard-earned wisdom, which I'm here to share. We'll unwrap the complexities of setting limits in relationships and at work, dissecting the impact of discrimination and rumors, and equipping you with the tools like self-awareness and journaling to solidify your personal barricades.
From domestic battlegrounds to the intricate dance of work-life balance, join me as I reflect on the art of self-advocacy and the power of self-discovery. My personal tales of codependency and the transformative echoes of Shine Down's music underscore the episode's exploration of growth. We'll circle around the empowerment that comes with knowing and asserting your worth, inspiring you to carve out space for your aspirations within the framework of healthy relationships.
Concluding with the gritty reality of toxic dynamics, I'll guide you through the maze of manipulative behaviors and the lifelines of support that can anchor us. The episode brings to light my own battles with addiction, the refuge of treatment court, and the reclamation of self-respect. As we close, remember to join the conversation and find solace in the community we've built through the LJ Voice Project. Together, let's fortify our boundaries and keep the flame of hope burning bright.
"Thank you for joining 'War of The Mind,' your essential guide to exploring emotional intelligence, mental health, and personal growth. Remember, self-awareness is the beacon illuminating your unique path of transformation and resilience. Join us again on our next adventure through the realm of mindfulness and self-improvement! #WarOfTheMind #MentalWellbeing #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth"
Navigating the treacherous waters of personal and professional boundaries, I, Loren Johnson, am your compass in this week's War of the Mind podcast. My journey through the shadows of domestic violence and the grip of heroin addiction has led me to a place of hard-earned wisdom, which I'm here to share. We'll unwrap the complexities of setting limits in relationships and at work, dissecting the impact of discrimination and rumors, and equipping you with the tools like self-awareness and journaling to solidify your personal barricades.
From domestic battlegrounds to the intricate dance of work-life balance, join me as I reflect on the art of self-advocacy and the power of self-discovery. My personal tales of codependency and the transformative echoes of Shine Down's music underscore the episode's exploration of growth. We'll circle around the empowerment that comes with knowing and asserting your worth, inspiring you to carve out space for your aspirations within the framework of healthy relationships.
Concluding with the gritty reality of toxic dynamics, I'll guide you through the maze of manipulative behaviors and the lifelines of support that can anchor us. The episode brings to light my own battles with addiction, the refuge of treatment court, and the reclamation of self-respect. As we close, remember to join the conversation and find solace in the community we've built through the LJ Voice Project. Together, let's fortify our boundaries and keep the flame of hope burning bright.
"Thank you for joining 'War of The Mind,' your essential guide to exploring emotional intelligence, mental health, and personal growth. Remember, self-awareness is the beacon illuminating your unique path of transformation and resilience. Join us again on our next adventure through the realm of mindfulness and self-improvement! #WarOfTheMind #MentalWellbeing #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth"
Welcome to War of the Mind podcast with Lauren Johnson, your weekly dose of real life experience for you, by you Giving listeners the chance to share their story while helping others and giving us all the opportunity to listen or be silent. No more Paving the way for War of the Mind to share these life stories of struggles to triumphs, failures to promise. Here we are all one and as one we can overcome life's journey towards finding our purpose.
Speaker 2:
And we're back here on War of the Mind. I'm your host, lauren Johnson, and today we are talking about setting boundaries. Now, setting boundaries is a you know, something that you know is the workplace. It is at home, with three romantic relationships, family, friends Also plays into a part of self-discovery and you know, building on that and setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being, as it helps establish clear expectations and limits for oneself.
Speaker 2:
Boundaries can be physical and I've felt victim of that. You know I have been in multiple relationships and I don't know if I just attract that or I seek it, but I've been in two relationships and I swore after the last one I would never get into domestic violence relationship. And that's what happened in the last one and it caused a lot of trauma physically, mentally, emotionally, and so that's why we're talking about setting boundaries. And then you know it hasn't been easy and then, when you know, you get affected by it in the workplace. I just rent my office space and I haven't even been here three months and there's already drama because people discriminate against my background because, being a heroin addict prior, you know. So if I carry a bag in here, they think I'm carrying drugs in here and if I have a guest over to do an interview for my podcast, word spreads and they think I'm selling drugs out of my office, which really sucks when I'm sitting here doing a War of the Mind podcast, trying to help others, and I have to deal with this drama and the fact that it's just going behind my back.
Speaker 2:
And I heard it and then what happened is I went downstairs and was just seeing if they had any handouts for you know events coming up, because I like to go to home and I heard my name called like twice. So I went down the hallway and these two individuals are talking about me and I confronted them about it and I said why is my name being brought up? And the one goes we didn't say anything about your name. So I, you know, said the hell if you didn't. I heard it twice and they're like well, you can't have your wife here. I said my wife isn't here. I had a guest that was supposed to be helping me and has before. And my big issue is the one that is equal to saying my name is in AA. And last I checked I thought a was about anonymity and not what stays what's set in the room stays in the room and for this individual to be spreading rumors about me Sucks, because you know this was my office, was my getaway from the world and place where I can get my emotions out Audio on paper and I feel like that was taken away and because now I don't feel like the same as I did before about coming to my office, and especially when you know people are talking behind your back that you don't even know and they don't even know a story, and especially when I've busted my ass to get to where I'm at and you know it just happened tonight and it's, it's uh, I'm trying to hold back.
Speaker 2:
It's the trauma that I don't think my biggest setback when I was, you know, trying to get better, but then I'd go back to using was the judgment of others. And you know I'm keeping to myself, working on my self and while I'm researching topics to have for the show, it's helping me in my recovery. But then I have to come to my office and have people talking behind my back and thinking I'm doing this, saying I'm doing that just to try and get me kicked out. Because why? Because you think you're better than me, because I haven't did anything, said anything, other than come in here and do my podcast and write when I'm researching, try to get work on my book, try to work on this show and make it as good as possible, but you know where do you draw the line, you know where is it going to hurt. Worse me sticking it out, staying somewhere where I have not wanted, or show resiliency, and that resilient and stick it out and prove to those drama queens that they're wrong.
Speaker 2:
And then the one lady has the nerve to say you look sick, why don't you go home? And I think that was absolutely rude. And she flat out because of my eye. Because those of you don't know, I have a blown out eye socket from domestic violence that I have to get fixed surgery, but they're waiting for the eye to calm down, but I have an infection. So I'm dealing with that. But for someone to say I should go home because I look sick, like, yeah, you're just saying that because you don't want me here. And these are people that don't even own the place. They just rent an office and I don't even know them, never talk to them and yeah, so you know this female wants to play the anonymity game and break the rules. Well then we'll take the higher out and write people and we'll just keep plugging away and trying to get away from those unhealthy patterns and behaviors such as avoidance and aggression or people pleasing or cultivating self-worthiness and self-compassion in the process of boundary setting. Now, boundary setting can be dynamic and ongoing process that requires regular reassessment and adjustment as one's needs and circumstances change over time.
Speaker 2:
Getting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. It requires a process of self-awareness, communication and ongoing assessment, and that's what I've talked about before the reflection and the journaling. Journaling is huge. If you don't journal, you should try it, because getting your emotions down on paper gets those thoughts out of your head that you're struggling with, and putting them on paper just takes away so much, and you know there's ways you can if you can't think of what you want to write about. You know just Google journal prompts that you want for starting a journal or what you want to write about, and there are journals that you can buy that have the self-prompt already in there. So it's like they have questions and you can get some of that art where they want you to draw a picture of this that comes to mind and I think it's cool, and I'm in the middle of wanting to make my own journal for War of the Mind and even a workbook with a guide for a workshop, and a lot of this helps me with my recovery and just sharing my experiences so that I can help you.
Speaker 2:
And so setting boundaries in the workplace definitely helps. Maintain a healthy work-life balance, can prevent burnout and improve productivity, is important for self-advocacy and career growth. So speak up, say what you want to say, and you know I could have went down there when I was doing my own thing and hearing that my name and let it go and just went upstairs, but I felt like I should stick up for myself because I'm not doing anything wrong, so I wanted to know why you're talking about me behind my back. And so setting boundaries with family and friends that can strengthen relationships by establishing clear expectations mutual respect can be challenging, especially when dealing with family dynamics and cultural expectations. It can be challenging, especially when dealing with family dynamics. It may require assertiveness and communication skills as well as self-awareness and empathy.
Speaker 2:
Now, one keyword I'm telling you is sticking out that we will cover is self-awareness. Self-awareness is huge and it makes you aware of your environment. It definitely makes you aware of yourself and your self-control and you know, self-awareness allows you to reflect and look at what you're doing, right and wrong, where yourself loves that self-will, self-worth, all that you know. And in setting boundaries in romantic relationships it's essential for healthy communications and mutual understanding and that's where I dropped the ball. I didn't set boundaries. So I will admit I'm guilty of not setting boundaries. I am terrible at it and that's probably why I've been in the situations I've been in, because I don't set boundaries and if I do, I don't stick to them. If I set them, you know I don't want to hurt the other person, so I give in and get what I get, and you know that's on me.
Speaker 2:
In romantic relationships it can prevent codependency and enable individual growth. Now I became very I will be honest. I came, I was very codependent as well as my wife. We both were. I mean, we both relied on each other and only each other, and it kind of hurt us because, you know, we isolated and we're we still are in love. I believe we don't see each other talk to each other right now because of court, but I've forgiven her for what she did.
Speaker 2:
I believe that's what I have to do to move on from the trauma. Well, I forget it? Probably not, but it's allowed me to go to domestic violence or group, which you know takes a lot because I'm the only man there and there's still that stigma, so can be difficult when navigating the issues of trust, vulnerability and intimacy. You know I struggle with intimacy due to sexual assault when I was a kid and that one I have not dealt with and it's I need to because it's it's caused problems in relationships in the past. And you know, and I don't, I don't mean it and I'm not out to hurt anybody, that is my last thing. I believe in being kind to others, I believe in sticking up for others. It's just I don't think that my trauma has affected me in my relationships and that's, you know, on me, not necessarily all on me, but it's still my responsibility to have self-respect for myself and I need to love myself if I'm gonna be going anywhere, be going anywhere in my life.
Speaker 2:
And it's really I don't know what I'm trying to say here. You know it burns back so much trauma when you try to be intimate and you've been sexually assaulted and you think like the pleasure is not there like it's hard to explain, it's hard to forget, it's probably a resentment I will never get over. There's a lot of anger there. Okay, moving on setting boundaries during self-discovery. Now, this helps to establish a sense of identity and purpose. That may involve questioning and reevaluating one's values, beliefs and relationships. It can be empowering but also uncomfortable and challenging. You know and I'm kind of in that area, I don't know where you guys are Perspectives on setting boundaries vary across different, different audiences and require consideration of factors such as relationships, culture, identity and mental health.
Speaker 2:
You know, I think nowadays mental health is really prevalent and it's where it should be. You know it should be talked about and it still isn't fully there, but it's gaining ground. And you know, I want to give a shout out to the band Shine Down, which is one of my favorites. I'm just not gonna lie, they are my favorite and my goal is to meet Brent Smith. He I don't know him, I've never met him, but his music and the lyrics behind all that is a story of his addiction and stuff he's been through and I can relate so much to every single one of his songs and sometimes, you know, it's hard to listen to him, even though they are my favorite because it brings back so many memories, but at the same time, it's helped me through a lot to stay strong, and he's a recovering addict and I'm just amazed at how strong he is. And watching his YouTube videos and or Facebook videos, whatever and he inspires, absolutely inspires me to get clean and stay clean, and all that because he didn't have to and look where he's at. I mean, if you to stayed using I don't know that Shine Down would be where they're at right now and there. You know those of you don't that don't know who they are, but they're, you know, hard to rock the Smith and Myers. It's also like a break off of Shine Down, but it's Brent Smith and his guitarist and I am drawn a blank and he's guitarist and he's probably gonna. This will be why they don't come on the show ever, because I can't remember his guitarist.
Speaker 2:
Anyways, setting boundaries for personal growth and well-being. Setting boundaries is an essential part of personal growth and self-discovery. It helps define values, needs and priorities and communicate them effectively to others. By setting clear and healthy boundaries, you can protect your well-being, foster positive relationships and achieve your goals. And then we have some tips and practice and best practices for setting boundaries in different areas of your life.
Speaker 2:
Now, like we talked about before, setting boundaries in the workplace, this is another aspect of it. The workplace can be a challenging environment for setting boundaries, especially if you're your people pleaser or workaholic. However, setting boundaries in the workplace is crucial for maintaining your work-life balance, preventing burnout and advancing your career. Setting boundaries at work clarify your job responsibilities and priorities with your supervisor. Communicate your boundaries assertively and respectfully using eye statements. Set realistic expectations for your workload and deadlines and availability. Take breaks and prioritize self-care and activities such as exercise, mediation, hobbies. Learn to say no or negotiate compromises when boundaries are challenged.
Speaker 2:
Setting boundaries with friends and family. Gaining boundaries with loved ones can be tricky, especially if you have a history of codependency, conflict and guilt. However, setting boundaries with friends family is essential to maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships and respecting each other's autonomy and needs. Here are some tips for setting boundaries with friends and family Identify personal values and needs and communicate them clearly to loved ones. Practice active listening and empathy, and respect your loved loved ones perspective and feelings. You got all that. Everybody, what we'd say Respect. Respect is huge. Set boundaries for your time, energy and resources, and prioritize your own self-care and growth. Learn to say no or negotiate compromises. Boundaries challenge. Seek professional support or counseling if you're dealing with complex family dynamics and trauma.
Speaker 2:
Now we're getting into the nitty-gritty getting boundaries in romantic relationships. This is a hard one, because you love somebody so much and a lot of times when you set a boundary, you'll know if you set a boundary and stick to it, because the other person is usually gonna be pissed off about it and not happy about it and if they're not happy about it, you know you set a boundary. That is probably a good thing. Studying boundaries in romantic relationships is crucial for building a strong and respectful partnership and avoiding codependency or toxicity. However, setting boundaries in romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with issues of trust, intimacy and vulnerability. Then some tips for that would be communicate your boundaries openly and honestly, using I statements and active listening.
Speaker 2:
Set boundaries for your time, space and emotional needs, and respect your partner's boundaries as well. Establish clear expectations and rules for communication, conflict resolution and personal growth. Practice self-care and self-compassion. Avoid sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of your relationship and I am guilty of that to this day. Seek professional support for couples therapy if you're dealing with the complex relationship issues or trauma. Yeah, that one's a tough one and later we're gonna get into the toxicity and that can be. You know, tough when you're in a toxic relationship and you don't know where to stay in it or get out. And when you're manipulated, so bad it's tough. I mean, I won't lie, it's a bitch, especially when you're hearing from everybody else on what to do and then you know what you want to do. But ultimately it's up to you.
Speaker 2:
Setting boundaries during self-discovery is an essential part of exploring our identity and values and goals and achieving personal growth and fulfillment. However, setting boundaries during self-discovery can be uncomfortable, challenging and even scary, as it involves questioning, reevaluating your beliefs and your relationships, and then tips for that would be identify your core values, passions, goals. Communicate them to yourself and others. Practice self-reflection and introspection and explore emotions, thoughts and behaviors with curiosity and compassion. Set boundaries for your time and energy and prioritize your self-care and personal growth. Learn to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty and embrace change and growth as part of the self-discovery process and, like the others, seek professional support or counseling if you're dealing with mental health issues or trauma. Setting boundaries is not going process. Just remember that. You know that requires self-care and self-respect.
Speaker 2:
As someone who spent decades of going through this and then, as well as trying to motivate people to achieve their fullest potential, I can tell you that setting boundaries is crucial for success and fulfillment in all areas of your life. Whether you're dealing with a friend or a family, relationships or colleagues, knowing how to set boundaries is can make the world of difference in your personal and professional growth. Understanding boundaries, you know, first, is first let's define what we mean by boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and relationships, defining what is and isn't acceptable behavior. They help us protect our emotional and physical well-being and communicate our needs and values about two others. You know, without healthy boundaries, we can fall prey to emotional manipulation and that's what I was talking about earlier and burnout and resentment. That's why learning how to set and maintain boundaries and stick to them is essential for anyone who wants to lead a fulfilling and authentic life. Again, you know. Some more tips on that would be be clear and direct.
Speaker 2:
Don't beat around the bush and be or use passive, aggressive language. State your boundaries clearly and without apology. I feel like I'm always apologizing. I don't know if I owe you people, but I'm guilty of that Guilty of being blamed and taking it it's always my fault and then I end up apologizing and don't even know why. Use I statements instead of blaming and accusing others for others. Focus on your own needs and feelings. Say things like I feel uncomfortable when you do, or say blank. Say that to yourself. Be consistent. Don't waver in your boundaries or make expectations. Focus on your own needs. Make expectations that compromise your values or well being. Don't and then again seek support. If you're trouble setting or maintaining boundaries with friends or family, don't hesitate to reach out or to be too a trusted friend, therapist or coach for support.
Speaker 2:
Some boundaries in romantic relationships, I'm telling you, can be tough, can be some of the most challenging. When it comes to setting these boundaries, you know it's easy to get caught up in the intensity of emotional, that emotional connection we have and we say to what's healthy and appropriate. You and love. There's always that talk about love is blind and you know it. You can see what you see when you're in love and people looking on the outside see something else and a lot of times those people on the outside are right. But you got to trust yourself and to have yourself respect, to know what's right and what's wrong for yourself. You know, for romantic relationships, as we said before, be clear about your values and needs. Before entering a relationship, take the time to define your values and needs. This will help you communicate boundaries more effectively.
Speaker 2:
Communicate openly and honestly. Don't be afraid to express your needs and expectations in a relationship. Your partner can't read your mind. Your partner can't read your mind and it's not fair to expect them to you know. So speak your mind. Tell them how it is. Do you think they're doing something wrong or you don't believe what they're saying, or you think they're spending too much time on their phone? When you're trying to have a conversation and asking them to put the phone away, you know when that's where the focus comes in and you can't have a legit conversation. If I'm sitting here talking to you, you're trying the other person is trying to multitask and be on the phone and texting everybody else while you're trying to talk to them. That ain't no civil conversation and you know that one kind of pisses me off when that happens and I just feel like you know when you're trying to have a serious conversation, it takes time to sit down and stop what you're doing, the other person and focus, and you know that's where the listening comes in, and I am a listener that won't lie. You know more tips for romantic relationships Be clear about your values and needs.
Speaker 2:
Take time to define your values and needs and a lot of times this will help communicate your boundaries more effectively. Respect each other's autonomy. Like we said, Trust your instincts. If something feels off and uncomfortable in a relationship, trust your gut. Don't dismiss your own feelings or needs to please someone else. And I'm not gonna lie, like I said before, I'm victim of that. I have to work on that and it's like it says, it's a challenge and, just like in the workplace, you know you can be particularly workplace can be tricky, as we can often feel pressure and you know, to please our bosses or colleagues. And, however, setting clear boundaries at workplace is essential for preventing burnout, reducing stress and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. And you know I struggle at balancing my healthy workplace and personal life. A lot of times when I start a project or dig in, I am all in and I will not stop until I finish, and that takes away time and my marriage and oh wait, for my personal life and you know, one of these days.
Speaker 2:
We're gonna get into the enneagrams and your personality type and I'm a challenger and you would not believe you when you take the test, how spot on you it is. And when you read through it it'll explain how your partner can approach it. Matches like this type with what type they are. You find it and then you can read through it and it talks about how you can approach your partner, the dos and don'ts, and it's really helpful. And I'm a believer in the enneagram. The first time I ever heard about it was at church at Jacobswell and they brought it up there and ever since that I got you know every book at church on enneagram and then I ended up buying like five more at BAM and I think I got it down to a T because it's spot on.
Speaker 2:
You know, setting boundaries is crucial to living a fulfilling life while pursuing self-discovery. It may be difficult, you know, to establish boundaries with loved ones, but it's necessary. You know, to prioritize your well-being and our personal growth. Remember that setting boundaries is not a one-time event we have to stick to them but an ongoing process that requires practice and patience. It's not going to happen overnight. You're going to have to.
Speaker 2:
You know practice, practice, practice. It's just like I say, you know, like I was a college wrestler, and they say it takes 10,000, let's say, because wrestling you shoot Like double legs and for takedowns, and it takes, they say, 10,000 reps to have the muscle memory to naturally do it without even thinking. And that's just like practicing setting boundaries the more you do it, the more it's going to stick and you're going to find that you don't budge on your boundaries. And it's just like creating a habit, healthy habits, and you know, the more you practice those habits, the more you're going to stick to them. And I'm talking healthy habits, not bad habits. So I'm just thinking what we want to go into here, kind of debating. Here we're taking a quick break and I'll put on a little bit of shine down for you. What do you want to listen to here? We'll listen to their new hit, hope or Daylight, and we'll be back right after this.
Speaker 3:
So here we are, all dressed to kill. Where should we go Into the wild again to face the great unknown? And half the midnight conversations you and I broke spoke. You saved my life. I don't want to split twice. You keep me free from falling. You saved my life. You get all alright, I don't feel like talking. You make sure I always see the deal. It's amazing what the heart does in the world. Our clues show up. We'll also let loose the road. So take me on out, take the wheels and make it bolder from the past. We will always live forever if we don't look at the past. You saved my life. I don't want to split twice. You keep me free from falling. You saved my life. You get all alright.
Speaker 3:
I don't feel like talking. You make sure I always see the deal. I don't feel like talking. You make sure I always see the deal. I don't feel like talking. You make sure I always see the deal. You make sure I always see the deal. It's amazing what the heart does in the world. You make sure I always see the deal. You make sure I always see the deal. You saved my life. I don't want to split twice. You keep me free from falling. You saved my life. Make it all alright. I don't feel like talking. You make sure I always see the deal.
Speaker 2:
And we're back. You're on War of the Mind. Those little shine down for you. And so next we're going to talk about toxic relationships. And this one's a tough one for me because you know I've been in it and it's tough. It's especially, you know, myself having a traumatic brain injury and having to deal with toxicity in a relationship. You know this is a hard topic for me to talk about but I kind of have to.
Speaker 2:
And you know setting boundaries in a tox with toxic people. You know toxic people can have detrimental effects on our lives, causing stress, anxiety and harm to our mental, emotional and physical well-being. You know it's essential to setting boundaries with toxic people to protect yourself and prioritize your well-being. You know that's where I kind of made the mistake. I didn't set those boundaries and you know it was a free-for-all. And you know I don't I'm not mad about it, I just wish it wouldn't happen to what the situation had happened between her and I. And you know it still doesn't take away how much I love her and how much she means to me and I hope she knows that. You know me talking about this isn't to make her look bad. It's me talking about it so that I can process it and it's not make, it's not an issue. You know, down the road and I pray we can get past it. And you know there's a lot of unknowns right now and that's why it's probably hard. And you know I'm in treatment court and I got brought up. I was asked, you know, if I know what it means to be in a toxic relationship and you know I said what you know it is and you know when I first wrote this out I was, I showed my parents and I was taken back by this because I everything that it's. I found out about it because I felt like I had researched it after it being brought up and it brought back a ton of emotions and pain and memories and hurt and still hurts. And, yeah, you know, the objective of what we're talking about here is to understand the importance of studying boundaries with toxic people and to learn how to identify toxic behaviors of others and to learn practical steps for studying boundaries with toxic people.
Speaker 2:
Toxic people can be found in all areas of our lives in our personal relationships, workplace, our social circles and even our families. These individuals may have manipulative, abusive or controlling behaviors causing stress and harm to our mental health, emotional and physical health. By setting boundaries with toxic people, we can protect ourselves from their negative influence and prioritize our well-being. Identifying toxic behaviors you know, the first step in identifying, first step in setting boundaries with toxic people, is to recognize toxic behaviors. These could be include and this is where it's tough for me because I feel like all these apply and, you know, in the moment when it was happening, I didn't see it and I don't know if I can put my thumb on when it started, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
I really don't know if it was just always that way. Like there are times where I feel like, you know, maybe I'm a game to her and then there's times where I love this shit out of her and don't see that part of her and a lot of it is. You know, her drug abuse and coming off it. You know she can be a monster and I can do, and that's why she's staying sober and I pray she's staying sober too. You know, like I said here, the first step in setting boundaries with toxic people is recognizing toxic behaviors. These include manipulative and control verbal and emotional abuse, gaslighting, which, if you don't know, gaslighting has been all over. It was all over the news last year. You know, with Trump that's making you doubt your own feelings and thoughts. So it's basically someone who starts an argument, fuels an argument and just to get you going and then it starts making you doubt your own feelings and decisions and thoughts. And you know that can be as far as criticizing and belittling, even blaming you for their problems. You know it can also be refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
Speaker 2:
Understanding why boundaries are important. Bodies are essential to protecting our mental and emotional physical well-being. They can help you regain control and power over your own life, improve your self-esteem and confidence and you know that's kind of where I'm at is my self-esteem and confidence was racked about them when I started treatment court and, like the judge, she is impressed with where I am and they're starting to see the real me coming back that I was before. I may not be the same person, but coming back to where I have confidence and self-esteem. It's something that I lost in my relationship somewhere along the way and maybe I didn't have it going into the relationship. You know I don't blame her. I'm not mad at her. I'm more mad at addiction because if it wasn't for addiction, I don't think we would be where we're at, because she is the most loving individual or is her heart on her sleeve, and yet she's got addiction problem, just like I do.
Speaker 2:
And when she's using or coming off, she's, you know, like I said, someone you don't want to be around. And I will not lie, I'm the same way and I hate it. You know I might feel good for a little bit but you know afterwards it's hell and you're saying stuff that you don't even mean and it's just flying out and it's. You know your goal is when you're coming off is to like win every argument and to say some of the worst things you could possibly say, just to hurt them. And it sucks because you wake up in the morning and you're like thinking everything's fine, which you totally forgot and blacked out what you said and some stuff that said can be personal and painful. You know, setting boundaries in those relationships can reduce stress and anxiety and you know there was a point there where I had to be on anxiety meds and high dose because I couldn't handle the anxiety Like I can't live with chaos and you know some people's lives they enjoy chaos and I'm just not that person. And others improve your relationships with others.
Speaker 2:
I lost all my relationships with others other than with my parents. You know, my parents stuck by me all the way through and they could have easily gave up on me and they didn't. And I learned a lot from it and learned a lot on how to be a parent. You know my wife she's got the opposite. She don't get support from her parents and they don't help her like mine do, you know. But when my wife's at her worst, she has no problem throwing that in my face about my parents helping me that. You know I'm a baby. I get help from my parents, but you know what? That's just my parents, who they are. They refuse to turn their back on their child and they're not enabling. They don't. They don't enable it one bit. They are also not going to give up on a kid and put their kid under a bridge. And for someone to say that you're a baby and you know Silver Spoon is wrong.
Speaker 2:
Because I didn't come from a rich family. My dad busted his ass to provide for the family and so did my mom, and I never thought that I'd be 39 years old. Being back at home Going on disability was severe trauma. I had injury and have my parents having to help take care of me. And I have so much guilt because my parents probably didn't plan on retiring and having to take care of their middle son. And I feel like I get the short end of the stick from my brothers because you know they see me just living at home and think I'm just living the life and I'm not. I don't. I appreciate and think and enjoy every moment I have with my parents and all the help they give me. At the same time, it hurts that I'm taken away from the retirement and the things they could be doing without me there and they should be able to enjoy that retirement without having to take care of their son and they yet they still refuse to give up on me. You know I go to treatment court every week and my parents are sitting in the courtroom every single one, every court date. You know, if I didn't have them for support, I know I would still be back on the streets and using, and I attribute a lot of my success to them.
Speaker 2:
Has it been hard? Yeah, it was my dad hard on me Very, but I feel like that. That I'm trying to think of the word, that pressure, that heart stuff that he taught me and my mom taught me is probably why I have the resilience I have to overcome the stuff I had and have, and if I didn't have that resilience, I probably wouldn't be here today. I you know, when I overdosed one time I I flatlined and they'd bring me back and I'd flatline again and bring me back, flatline again, and I remember it clears day and I have nightmares about it and I remember them people screaming at me to breathe and I fought, fought, fought to breathe and then I couldn't take a breath anymore and I'd fade out and it was gone and I knew I was gone and it was just just in a total different space and it was quiet. I could see myself. I almost looked like the Northern Lights when I was out and you could hear a pin drop and you know. And then what was weird is like I would be. These black things were like pulling me one way and the white things were pulling me one way and the white things ended up taking over and I believe that was God and I don't know how many chances he's got left to give me because he's given me so many chances to survive. And I'm here for a reason, I think, and I guess it's just offer hope and resilient and pray I help somebody else. It's.
Speaker 2:
You know, I was fighting for my life and I remember thinking to myself I can just stop right now and not fight and be done. And I gasped and fought so hard. I will not lie, that was the hardest fight I've ever had. I've been in fist fights, I've been wrestling matches that were tough, I've broken my ankles, I've had shoulder surgery and came back from them and Nothing compares to trying to fight for your life and Knowing you died and flat-lined and you're gone. And then you come back and you're gone, you come back, you're gone. And I ended up in a coma and it was during COVID and it was scary. When I woke up, you know, I woke up with a different perspective and scared, and it was during the time when they didn't allow visitors. So there's nothing more lonely than waking up out of a coma and no one's there and confused on why you're there and what happened and why no one's there, and that's just a tough subject to talk about. But it's something I need to get off my chest and you know, in toxic relationships, you know, set clear boundaries Once you have identified toxic behaviors and understand the importance of boundaries, you can start setting clear boundaries, and you know there's steps to that.
Speaker 2:
Identify the behavior that you want to change. First you want to change and then you have to decide what your boundary is, will be, and An example would be I will not tolerate verbal abuse and you have to stick to that boundary and communicate your boundary in a clear, assertive manner. You know you also have to be consistent and firm with your boundary. You can't let it bend or break. You know establish consequences for crossing the boundary. If you continue to criticize me as an example, I will leave the conversation. You know it got to the point where I we would get in such an argument about stuff like this and I would have to call my parents to come get me like I could have drove, but I was in no condition to drive because my emotions were just everywhere and I knew where my support was and I knew where my exit plan was and I had it all planned so I could have an out. And I'm not talking out of the relationship, I'm talking out of what the argument is and my way out was always call my parents, have them come pick me up and then go to their place and calm down and hope she'd calm down.
Speaker 2:
You know, establish setting boundaries with toxic people can be challenging, but it's crucial for protecting your well-being. By identifying toxic behaviors, by understanding the importance of boundaries and setting clear boundaries, you can take control of your life and improve your relationships with others, you know. So that's kind of the we're going to stop there for tonight. So just keep in mind, setting boundaries is so important in your self-discovery and your journey in life and having healthy relationships, whether it's workplace or romantic relationships and your self-worth will improve by setting boundaries. And setting boundaries is something that you'll have to do the rest of your life. And it's important that you do it because if you don't, other people will take advantage of you and manipulate you and mentally abuse you.
Speaker 2:
You know, I was told one time that if I ever left the relationship they would come at suicide. And you know that's something that hains over my head and it's scary because I love this person so much and I feel like I Anybody can tell me what they want and say that. You know that's not on me, that's her choice. But If I choose to leave her, I feel like I'm the reason she's doing it and I Don't know if I'd ever be able to live with myself. And, and you know, as long as she stays sober and clean, just like me, I Pray it works out. But if you know I can't, she's got to set that boundary on me too. And Communicate communication is huge and relationships, whether they're romantic or not, you have to be a seriv and Speak your mind.
Speaker 2:
You know it can be so hard and challenging, but you know what you can do it. Why? Because Everybody has it in them to be resilient. Whether you're at the rock bottom or you're at the top, we're all gonna face challenges in our life and, like we've ended other shows, we're gonna end this one. The same way that a Hope is one thing that you can never lose. A sight of Hope is what will get you through everything, and you have to remember that and keep that, because without hope, you ain't gonna have anything you can. You might as well wash your hands and give up, because Without, without any hope, there's nothing left. Hope inspires others to take action and Believe in others and, you know, set that tone for fighting. You know, if you, if you lose hope, what's the point? Hope is everything in our lives and I'm not just saying like, hoping for, like a present, I'm talking Hope that inspires you to take action.
Speaker 2:
You know, and Like our signing off on here We'll do in a few minutes, but first of all I want to, you know, make sure you guys check out our website, ljvoiceprojectcom, and If you're looking for a motivational speaker, I share my story and you know, check out our website. It'll pop up the book today. If you're not ready to book today, that doesn't matter, that's okay and you can Click yes or no on those cookies. I don't know, I'm not, I'm not really Want to ask questions about that. I don't get it, but that's not my specialty. I I just speak on experience and you know, also, check out our our Facebook, instagram, twitter accounts where we post, you know, motivational stuff and yeah, so that's all of our handles for our Instagram, facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn and Pinterest our all lj voice project. So with that, I want to say, just like we always do, keep hope alive. And I want to thank you all for listening to the show today. I Appreciate all the views and Just go ahead and don't forget to share with your friends and family and and don't forget to like us on Facebook, the voice project, and we're also on Twitter at lj voice project.
Speaker 2:
When we also Check out our email Our website is lj voice project com. Email is contact us at lj voice project com. Or we also have Lauren LORN Johnson at lj voice project that they were also on Instagram. Out those. I mean just write us on An hour, one page and we can easily get back to you. You know, just leave us a phone number what's app Phone numbers on there as well. So Feel free to contact us that we're always available and free to answer. So I really hope to hear from you soon.