War of the mind setting boundaries in the workplace, romantic relationships, toxic relationships, resilience, resilient
We're back here on War of the Mind. I'm your host, Lauren Johnson, and today we are talking about setting boundaries. Now, setting boundaries is a, you know, something that you know is the workplace is at home with re romantic relationships, family, friends also plays into a part of self-discovery. And, you know, building on that and setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of maintaining healthy relationships and personal wellbeing as it helps establish clear expectations and limits for one's self. Boundaries can be physical and I've felt a victim of that. You know, I have been in multiple relationships and I don't, I don't know if I just attract that or I seek it, but I've been in two relationships and I swore after the last one I would never get into domestic violence relationship. That's what happened in this last one. And it caused a lot of trauma, physically, mentally, emotionally. And so that's why we're talking about setting boundaries. And then, you know, it hasn't been easy. And then when you know, you, you get affected by it in the workplace. I just rent my office space and I haven't even been here three months and
There's already drama because people discriminate against my background because being a heroin addict prior, you know, so if I carry a bag in here, they think I'm carrying drugs in here. If I have a guest over to do an interview for my podcast, word spreads, then they think I'm selling drugs outta my office, which really sucks when I'm sitting here doing a War of the Mind podcast trying to help others. And I have to deal with this drama and the fact that it is just going behind my back and I hurt it. And then what happened is I went downstairs and was just seeing if they had any handouts for, you know, events coming up cuz I like to go to 'em. And I heard my name called like twice. And so I went down the hallway and these two individuals are talking about me and I confronted him about it and I said why is my name being brought up in the one goes, we didn't say anything about your name. So I, you know, said the hell if you didn't. I heard it twice and they're like, well, you can't have your wife here. I said, my wife isn't here. I had a guest that was supposed to be helping me
And has before. And my big issue is the one that was saying, my name is in aa. And last I checked, I thought AA was about anonymity and not what stays, what's set in the room, stays in the room. And for this individual to be spreading rumors about me sucks because, you know, this was my office was my getaway from the world and place where I can get my emotions out, audio on paper. And I feel like that was taken away because now I don't feel like the same as I did before about coming to my office. And especially when, you know, people are talking behind your back that you don't even know and they don't even know a story. And especially when I've busted my ass to get to where I'm at and you know, it just happened tonight and it's, it's I'm trying to hold, hold back. It's the trauma that, I don't know, like my biggest Setback When I was, trying to get better. But then I'd go back to using was the judgment of others. And then, you know, I'm keeping to myself working on myself and while I'm researching topics to have for the show, it's helping me in my recovery. But then I have to come to my office and have people talking behind my back and thinking I'm doing this, saying I'm doing that just to try and get me kicked out. Because why?
Because you think you're better than me because I haven't did anything, said anything o other than come in here and do my podcast and write and research and try to get work on my book, try to work on this show and make it as good as possible. But, you know, where do you draw the line? You know, and where is it gonna hurt worse? Me sticking it out, staying somewhere where I have not want or show resiliency and resilient. Be resilient and stick it out and prove to those drama queens that they're wrong. And then the one lady has the nerve to say, you look sick, why don't you go home? And I think that was absolutely rude. And she flat out because of my eye, cuz those eat on the don't know. I have a blown out eye socket from domestic violence that I have to get fixed. Surgery, surgery. But they're waiting for the eye to calm down, but I have an infection so I'm dealing with that. But for someone to say I should go home because I look sick, like, yeah, you're just saying that because you don't want me here. And these are people that don't even own the place. They just rent an office and I don't even know them. Never talk to 'em. And yeah, yeah.
So, you know, she want, this female wants to play the anonymity game and break the rules. Well then we'll take the high road and right people and we'll
Just keep plugging away and trying to get away from those unhealthy patterns and behaviors such as avoidance and aggression or people pleasing or cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion in the process of boundary setting. Now, boundary setting can be dynamic and ongoing process that requires regular re re res reassessment and adjustment as one's needs and circumstances change over time. Getting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal wellbeing and requires a process of self-awareness, communication, and ongoing assessment. And that's what I've talked about before, the reflection and the journaling. Journaling's huge. If you don't journal, you should try it because getting your emotions down on paper gets those thoughts outta your head that you're struggling with. And putting them on paper just takes away so much. And you know, there's ways you can, if you can't think of what you wanna write about, you know, just Google, you know, journal prompts that you want for starting a journal are or what you wanna write about.
And there are journals that you can buy that have the self prompt already in there. So it's like they have questions and some, you can get some that are art where they want you to draw a picture of this that comes to mind. And I think it's cool. And I'm in the middle of wanting to go make my own journal for more of the mind and even a workbook with the guide for a workshop. And a lot of this helps me with my recovery and just sharing my experiences so that I can help you. And so setting boundaries in the workplace definitely helps maintain a healthy work life balance, can improve, prevent burn burnout and improve productivity is important for self-advocacy and career growth. So speak up, say what you wanna say. And you know, I could've went down there when I was doing my own thing and hearing that my name and let it go and just went upstairs. But I felt like I should stick up for myself because I'm not doing anything wrong. So I wanted to know why you're talking about me behind my back. So setting boundaries with family and friends
That can strengthen relationships by establishing clear expectations. Mutual respect can be challenging, especially when dealing with family dynamics and cultural expectations. It can be challenging, especially when dealing with family dynamics may require assertiveness and communication skills as well as self-awareness and empathy. Now, one key word I'm telling you is sticking out that we will cover is self-awareness. Self-Awareness is huge and it play it, it makes you aware of your environment, it definitely makes you aware of yourself and your self-control. And, you know, self-awareness allows you to reflect and look at what you're doing right and wrong. Where your self loves at self will, self-worth all that, you know, and, and setting boundaries in romantic relationships. It's e essential for healthy communications and mutual understanding. And that's where I dropped the ball. I didn't set boundaries. I, I'm, I I will admit, I'm guilty of not setting boundaries. I am terrible at it and that's probably why I've been in the situations I've been in because I don't set boundaries and I don't, if I do, I don't stick to 'em if I set 'em, you know, I don't wanna hurt the other person. So I give in and
Get what I get and, you know, that's on me. In romantic relationships can prevent codependency and enable individual growth. Now, I became very, I will be honest, I came, I was very codependent as well as my wife. We both were, I mean, we both relied on each other and only each other and it kind of hurt us because, you know, we isolate and we're, we still are in love. I believe we don't see each other talk to each other right now cuz of court. But I've forgiven her for what she did. I believe that's what I have to do to move on from the trauma. Will I forget it? Probably not. But it's just allowed me to go to domestic violence support group, which, you know, takes a lot. Cuz I'm the only man there and there's still that stigma. So it can be difficult when navigating the issues of trust, vulnerability and intimacy. You know, I struggle with intimacy due to sexual assault when I was a kid. And that one I have not dealt with. And it's, I need to because it's, it's caused problems in relationships in the past. And,
You know, and I don't, I don't mean it and I'm not out to hurt anybody. That is my last thing that I believe in being kind to others. I believe in sticking up for others. It's just, I I I don't think that my trauma has affected me and my relationships and that's, you know, on me, not necessarily all on me, but it's still my responsibility to have self-respect for myself and I need to love myself if I'm gonna be going anywhere, be going anywhere in my life. And
It’S Really, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. You know, it burns back so much trauma when, when, when you try to be intimate and you've been sexually assaulted and you think like the pleasure's not there. Like, it's, it's hard to explain, it's hard to forget. It's probably a resentment I will never get over. There's a lot of anger there. Okay, moving on.
<Laugh>,
Setting boundaries during self-discovery. Now this helps to establish a sense of identity and purpose. It may involve questioning and reevaluating one's values, beliefs, and, and relationships. It can be empowering but also uncomfortable and challenging. You know, and I'm kind of in that area. I don't know where you guys are. Perspectives on setting boundaries vary across different, different audiences and require consideration of factors such as relationships, culture, identity, and mental health.
<Affirmative>.
You know, I think nowadays mental health is really prevalent and it's where it should be. It, you know, it should be talked about and it still isn't fully there, but it's gaining ground. And, you know, I wanna give a shout out to the band Shine Down, which is one of my favorites. I'm just not gonna lie. They are my favorite. And my goal is to meet Burnt Smith. He I I, I don't know him, I've never met him, but his music and the lyrics behind all that is a story of his addiction and stuff he's been through. And I can relate so much to every single one of his songs. And sometimes, you know, it's hard to listen to 'em be be, even though they are my favorite because it brings back so many memories. But at the same time, it's helped me through a lot to stay strong and he's a recovering addict and he's, I, I'm just amazed at how strong he is and watching his YouTube videos and or Facebook videos, whatever. And he inspires, absolutely inspires me to get clean and stay clean and all that because he didn't have to. And look where he is at. I mean, if you would've stayed using, I don't know, that shine down would be where they're at right now.
And they're, you know, those of you don't, that don't know who, who they're, they're, you know, hard of rock. The Smith and Myers, it's also like a break off of Shinedown, but it's Brent Smith and his guitarist and I am drawing a blank on these guitarist and he's probably gonna, this will be why they don't come on the show ever, because I can't remember his guitarist. Duh. Anyways, setting boundaries for personal growth and wellbeing. Setting boundaries is an essential part of personal growth and self-discovery. It helps define values, needs and priorities and communicate them effectively to others by setting clear and healthy boundaries. You can protect your wellbeing, foster positive relationships, and achieve your goals. And then we have some tips and practice and PR best practices for setting boundaries in different areas of your life. Now, like we talked about before, setting boundaries in the workplace. This is another aspect of it. The workplace can be a challenging environment for setting boundaries, especially if you were, you're a people pleaser or workaholic. However, setting boundaries in the workplace is crucial for maintaining your work life balance, preventing burnout and advancing your career.
Setting Boundaries at work. Clarify your job responsibilities and priorities with your supervisor. Communicate your boundaries a assertively and respectfully using I statements. Set realistic expectations for your workload and deadlines and avail availability. Take breaks and prioritize self-care and activities such as exercise, mediation. Hobbies, learn to say no or negotiate. Co negotiate com compromises when the boundaries are challenged. Setting boundaries with friends and family gain boundaries with loved ones can be tricky, especially if you have a history of codependency. Conflict, guilt, however, setting boundaries with friends, family is essential to maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships and respecting each other's autonomy and needs. Here are some tips for setting boundaries with friends and family. Identify personal values and needs and communicate them clearly to loved ones. Practice active listening and empathy and respect your loved, loved ones. Perspective and feelings. You got all that everybody, what we'd say. Respect. Respect is huge. Set boundaries for your ti time, energy, and resources. And prioritize your own self-care and growth. Learn to say no or negotiate compromises boundaries. Challenge, seek professional support or counseling if you're dealing with complex family dynamics and trauma. Now we're getting into the nitty gritty, getting boundaries in romantic relationships.
This is a hard one cuz you know, you love somebody so much, and a lot of times when you set a boundary, you'll know if you set a boundary and stick to it because the other person is usually gonna be pissed off about it and not happy about it. And if they're not happy about it, you know, you set a boundary, that is probably a good thing. Studying boundaries in romantic relationships is crucial for building a strong and respectful partnership and avoiding co-dependency or toxicity. However, setting boundaries in romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with issues of trust, intimacy and vulnerability. And then some tips for that would be communicate your boundaries openly and honestly. Using I statements and active listening. Set boundaries for your time, space, and emotional needs, and respect your partners boundaries as well. Establish clear expectations and rules for communication, conflict resolution and personal growth. Practice self-care and self-compassion. Avoid sacrificing your own wellbeing for the sake of your relationship. And I am guilty of that to this day. Seek professional support for a couple's therapy if you're dealing with the complex relationship issues or trauma. Yeah, that one's a tough one. And later we're gonna get into the toxicity. And that can be, you know, tough when you're in a toxic relationship and you don't know whether to stay in it or get out. And
When you're manipulated so bad, it's tough. I mean, I, I won't lie, it’s a Bitch, especially when you're hearing from everybody else on what to do. And then you know what you want to do, but ultimately it's up to you. Setting boundaries during self-discovery is an essential part of exploring our identity and values and goals and achieving personal growth and fulfillment. However, setting boundaries during self-discovery can be uncomfortable, challenging, and even scary as it involves questioning, reevaluating your beliefs and your relationships. And then tips for that would be identify your core values, passions, goals, communicate them to yourself and others. Practice self-reflection and introspection and explore emotions, thoughts and behaviors with curiosity and compassion. Set boundaries for your time and energy and prioritize your self care and personal growth. Learn to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty and embrace change and growth as part of self-discovery process. And like the others, seek professional support or counseling if you're dealing with mental health issues or trauma setting. Bo setting boundaries is an ongoing process. Just remember that you know, that requires self-care and self-respect. As someone who's spent decades of going through this and then as well as trying to motivate people to achieve their fullest potential, I can tell you that setting boundaries is crucial for success and fulfillment in all areas of your life.
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Whether you're dealing with a friend or a family, relationships or colleagues, knowing how to set boundaries is can make the world a difference in your personal and professional growth. Understanding boundaries, you know, first sentence first, let's define what we mean by boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves in relationships, defining what is and isn't acceptable behavior. They help us protect our emotional and physical wellbeing and communicate our needs and values about two others. You know, without healthy boundaries, we can fall prey to emotional manipulation. And that's what I was talking about earlier and burnout and resentment. That's why learning how to set and maintain boundaries and stick to them is essential for anyone who wants to lead a fulfilling and authentic life. Again, he's, you know, some more tips on that would be, be clear and direct. Don't beat around the bush and be pa or use passive aggressive language. State your boundaries clearly. And without apology, I feel like I'm always apologizing. I don't know about you people, but I'm guilty of that. Guilty of being blamed and taking and it's always my fault. And then I end up apologizing and don't even know why.
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Use I statements instead of blaming and accusing others. For others. Focus on your own needs and feelings. Say things like, I feel uncomfortable when you do or say blank. Say that to yourself. Be consistent. Don't waiver in your boundaries or make expectations. Focus on your own needs. Make exceptions that compromise your values or wellbeing don't. And then again, seek support. If you're trouble setting or maintain boundaries with friends or family, don't hesitate to reach out or to be to a trusted friend, therapist or coach for rebound for support. Setting boundaries in a romantic relationships, I'm telling you, can be tough, can be some of the most challenging when it comes to setting these boundaries. You know, it's easy to get caught up in the intensity of emotional, that emotional connection we have. And lose sight of what's healthy and appropriate. I mean, you're in love. We're there, there's always that talk about love was blind and you know it, you can see what you see when you're in love and people looking on the outside see something else. And a lot of times those people on the outside are right, but you gotta trust yourself and
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To have yourself respect to know what's right and what's wrong for yourself. You know, for romantic relationships, as we said before, be clear about your values and needs before entering a relationship. Take the time to define your values and needs. The, this will help you communicate boundaries more effectively. Communicate openly and honestly. Don't be afraid to express your needs and expectations and relationship. Your partner can't read your mind, your partner can't read your mind, and it's not fair to expect them to, you know, so speak your mind. Tell 'em how it is if you think they're doing something wrong or you don't believe what they're saying, or you think they're spending too much time on their phone when you're trying to have a conversation and ask 'em to put the phone away, you know? And that's where that focus comes in. And you can't have a legit conversation if I'm sitting here talking, trying to talk to you. You're trying, the other person's trying to multitask and be on the phone and I'm texting everybody else while you're trying to talk to 'em. That ain't, that ain't no civil conversation. And you know, that one kind of pisses me off when that happens.
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And I just feel like, you know, when you're trying to have a serious conversation, takes time to sit down and, and stop what you, you're doing the other person and focus and you know, that's where the listening comes in. And I am a listener that won't lie. You know, more for romantic relationships. Be clear about your values and needs. Take time to define your values and needs. And a lot of times this will help communicate your boundaries more effectively. Respect each other's autonomy. Like we said, trust your instincts. If something feels off and uncomfortable in a relationship, trust your gut. Don't dismiss your own feelings or needs to please someone else. And I, I'm not gonna lie, like I said before, I'm victim of that and I, I I I have to work on that. And it's, it's cha like it says, it's a challenge. And just like in the workplace, you know, you can be particularly workplace can be tricky as we can often feel pressure and, you know, to please our bosses or colleagues. And however, setting clear boundaries at a workplace is essential for preventing burnout, reducing stress, and maintaining a healthy work life balance. And, you know, I struggle at balancing my healthy workplace and
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Personal life. A lot of times when I start a project or dig in, I, I'm all in and I will not stop until I finish. And that takes away a time in my marriage and away from my personal life. And you know, one, one of these days we're gonna get into the enneagrams and per your personality type, and I'm a, I'm a challenger and you would not believe you when you take the test how spot on you it is. And when you read through, it'll explain how your partner can approach it matches like this type with what type they are. You find it and then you can read through it and it talks about how you can approach your partner, the dos and don'ts. And it's really helpful. And I'm a believer in the Enneagram. The first time I ever heard about it was at church at Jacobs. Well, and they brought it up there. And ever since that I got, you know, every book at church on Enneagram. And then I ended up buying like five more at bam. And I think I got it down to a T because it's spot on.
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You know, setting boundaries is crucial to living a fulfilling life while pursuing self-discovery. It may be difficult, you know, to establish boundaries with loved ones, but it's necessary, you know, to prioritize your wellbeing or personal growth. Remember that setting boundaries is not a one time event we had to stick to them, but an ongoing but, but an ongoing process that requires practice and patience. It's not gonna happen overnight. You're gonna have to, you know, practice, practice, practice. It's just like say, you know, like I was a college wrestler and they say it takes 10,000 say, cause wrestling you shoot like double legs and for takedowns and it takes they say 10,000 reps to have the muscle memory to naturally do it without even thinking. And that's just like practicing setting boundaries. The more you do it, the more it's gonna stick. And you're gonna find that you don't budge on your boundaries. And it's just like creating a habit. Healthy habits. And you know, the more you practice those habits, the more you're gonna stick to 'em. And I'm talking healthy habits, not bad habits. So I'm just thinking what we want to go into here
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Kind of debating here. We're take a quick break and I'll put on a little bit of shine down for you. What do you wanna listen to here? We'll listen to their new hit hope or daylight and we'll be back right after this
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Was diagnosed with fear, spending one year and three months in the dark. So here we're all dressed to We Wild again, unknown. You saved life, you saved my life. I don't feel you. Make sure always see the I save my life. Save. I don't you make sure. Always see
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And we're back. You're on War of the Mind. Those a little shine down for you. And so next we're gonna talk about toxic relationships. And this one's a tough one for me because you know, I've been in it and it's tough. It's especially, you know, myself having a traumatic brain injury and having to deal with toxicity and relationship. And you know, this is a hard topic for me to talk about, but I kind of have to. And you know, setting boundaries in a toxic, with toxic people you know, toxic people can have detrimental effect on our lives causing stress, anxiety, and harm to our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. You know, it's essential to setting boundaries with toxic people to protect yourself and prioritize your wellbeing. You know, that's where I kind of made the mistake. I didn't, I didn't set those boundaries and you know, it was a free for all. And you know, I don't, I'm not mad about it. I just wish it wouldn't have happened what the situation had happened between her and I. And you know, it still doesn't take away how much I love her and how much she means to me. And I hope she knows that, you know, me talking about this isn't to make her look bad, it’s Me talking about it so that I can process it. And it's not make, it's not an issue, you know, down the road. And I pray we can get past it. And you know, there's a lot of unknowns right now and that's why it's probably hard. And, you know, I'm in treatment court and it got brought up. I was asked, you know, if I no, what it means to be in a toxic relationship and, you know, I said what? You know, it is. And you know, I, when I first wrote this out, I was, I showed my parents and I, I was taken back by this because I, everything that it's, I found out about it because I felt like I had to research it after it being brought up. And it brought back autonomy, emotions and pain and memories and hurt. And it still hurts. And yeah, you know, the objective of what we're talking about here is to understand the importance of setting boundaries with toxic people and to learn how to identify toxic behaviors of others and to learn practical steps for setting boundaries with toxic people.
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Toxic people can be found in all areas of our lives, in our personal relationships workplace, our social circles, Cindy Vin, our families. These individuals may have manipulative, abusive or controlling behaviors, causing stress and harm to our mental health, emotional and physical health. By setting boundaries with toxic people, we can protect ourselves from their negative influence and prioritize our wellbeing. Identifying toxic behaviors. You know, the first step in identifying, first step in setting boundaries with toxic people is to recognize toxic behaviors. These could be include, and this is where it's tough for me cuz I feel like all these apply and you know, in the moment when it was happening, I didn't see it. And I don't know if I can put my thumb on when it started. I don't know. I really don't know if it was just always that way. Like there are times where I feel like, you know, maybe I'm a game to her and, and then there's times where I love this shit out of her and don't see that part of it. Her. And a lot of it is, you know, her drug abuse and coming off it, you know, she can be a monster and I can, I can too.
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And that's why she stays sober. And I pray she's staying sober too.
You know, like I said here, the first step in setting boundaries, toxic people is recognizing toxic behaviors. These include manipulative and control, verbal and mu emotional abuse, gaslighting, which if you don't know gaslighting, it's been all over the, it was all over the news last year. You know, with Trump
LOREN (00:52:36):
That's making you doubt your own feelings and thoughts. So it's basically someone who starts an argument, fuel, fuels an argument, and just to get you going and then starts making you doubt your own feelings and decisions and thoughts. And, you know, that can be as far as criticizing, belittling, even blaming you for their problems you know, it can also be refusing to take responsibility for their actions. Understanding why boundaries are important. Boundaries are essentially protecting our mental and emotional physical wellbeing. They can help you regain control and power over your own life. Improve your self-esteem and confidence. And you know, that's kind of where I'm at is my self-esteem and confidence was rock bottom when I started treatment court. And like, like the judge, she is impressed with where I am and they're starting to see the the real me coming back that I was before. I may not be the same person, but coming back to where I have confidence and self-esteem, let's say something that I lost in my relationship somewhere along the way and maybe, maybe I didn't have it going into the relationship. You know, I don't, I don't blame her. I'm not mad at her.
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I'm more mad at addiction. Cause if it wasn't for addiction, I don't think we'd be where we're at because as she is the most loving individual wears her heart on her sleeve, and yet she's got addiction problem just like I do. And when she's using or coming off, she's, you know, like I said, someone you don't wanna be around. And I, I will not lie, I am the same way and I hate it. You know, I might feel good for a little bit, but. You know, afterwards it's hell. And you're saying stuff that you don't even mean and it's just flying out and it's, you know, your, your goal is when you're coming off is to like win every argument and say some of the worst things you could possibly say just to hurt them. And it sucks because you wake up in the morning and you're like thinking everything's fine, which you totally forgot and blacked out what you said. And some stuff that's said can be personal and painful.
LOREN (00:56:38):
You know, it can, setting boundaries in those relationships can reduce, you know, the stress, anxiety. And, you know, there was a point there where I had to be on anxiety meds and I and high dose because I couldn't handle the anxiety. Like, I, I can't live with chaos and, you know, some people's lives they enjoy chaos and I'm just not that person. And others improve your relationships with others. I lost all my relationships with others other than with my parents. You know, my parents stuck by me all the way through and they could have easily gave up on me and they didn’t. And I learned a lot from it and learned a lot on how to be a parent. You know, my, my wife, she, she's got the opposite. She don't get the support from her parents and they don't help her like mine do. You know? But my, when my wife's had her worst, she has no problem throwing that in my face about my parents helping me, that, you know, I'm a baby. I get, I get help from my parents, da da da da. But you know what, that's just my parents who they are, they're not. They refuse to turn their back on their child and they're not enabling. They don't, they don't enable it one bit. What they are also not gonna give up on a kid and put their kid under a bridge and for someone to say that you're a baby. And you know, silver spoon is wrong because I didn't come from a rich family. My dad busted his ass to provide for the family and so did my mom. And I never thought that I'd be 39 years old being back at home on going on disability with severe trauma, had injury and have my parents having to help take care of me.
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And I have so much guilt because my parents probably didn't plan on retiring and having to take care of their middle son. And I feel like I get the short end of the stick for my brothers because, you know, they see me just living at home and think I'm just living the life. And I'm not. I don't, I, I appreciate and think and enjoy every moment I have with my parents and all the help they give me at the same time it hurts that I'm taken away from their retirement and the things they could be doing without me there. And they should be able to enjoy that retirement without having to take care of their son. And they yet, they still refuse to give up on me. And you know, I go to treatment court every week and my parents are sitting in the courtroom every single one, every court date. You know, if I didn't have them for support, I know I would still be back on the streets and using. And I attribute a lot of my success to them. Has it been hard? Yeah. Was my dad hard on me? Very. But I feel like that
That, I'm trying to think of the word, that pressure, that that that hard stuff that he taught me and my mom taught me is probably why I have the resilience I have to overcome the stuff I had and have. And if I didn't have that resilience, I probably wouldn't be here today. I, you know, when I overdosed one time, I, I flatlined and they'd bring me back and I'd flatline again, bring me back flatline again. I remember it clearest day. And I have nightmares about it. And I remember them people screaming at me to breathe and I fought, fought, fought to breathe and then I couldn't take a breath anymore and I'd fade out and I was gone. And I knew I was gone. And it was just, just in a total different space and it was quiet. I could see myself it almost looked like the northern lights when I was out and you could hear a pin drop and you know, and then what was weird is like I would be, these black things were like pulling me one way and the white things were pulling me one way and the white things ended up taking over. And I believe that was God. And I don't know how many chances he's got left to give me cuz he's given me so many chances to survive. And I'm here for a reason. I think, and I guess it's just for hope and resilient and pray I help somebody else. It's you know, I was fighting for my life and I remember thinking to myself, I can just stop right now and not fight and be done. And I gasped and fought so hard. I, I, I will not lie, that was the hardest fight I've ever had to, I've been in fist fights, I've been in wrestling matches that were tough. I've broken my ankles, I've had shoulder surgery and came back from, and nothing compares to trying to fight for your life and knowing you died and flatlined and you're gone and then you come back and you're gone. You come back, you're gone. And I ended up in a coma and it was during covid and it was scary. I, when I woke up, you know, I woke up with a different perspective and scared. And it was during the time when they didn't allow visitors. So there's nothing more lonely than waking up out of a coma and no one's and confused on why you're there and what happened and Why no one's there. And that's just a tough subject to talk about, but it's something I need to get off my chest. And you know, in toxic relationships, you know, set clear boundaries. Once you have identified toxic behaviors and understand the importance of boundaries, you can start setting clear boundaries and, you know, there's steps to that. Identify the behavior that you want to change. First want to change and then have to decide what your boundary is, will be. And an example would be, I will not tolerate verbal abuse. And you have to stick to that boundary and communicate your boundary in a clear, assertive manner. You know, you also have to be consistent and firm with your boundary. You can't let it bend or break, you know, establish consequences for crossing the boundary. If you continue to criticize me as an example, I will leave the conversation, you know, and it got to the point where I, we would get in such an argument about stuff like this and I would have to call my parents to come get me. Like I could have drove, but I was in no condition to drive because my emotions were just everywhere and I knew where my support was and I knew where my out exit plan was, and I had it all planned so I could have an out. I'm not talking out of the relationship, I'm talking out of what the argument and my, my way out was always calm. My parents have 'em come pick me up and then go to their place and calm down and hope she to calm down. You know, establish setting boundaries with toxic people can be challenging, but it's crucial for protecting your wellbeing by identifying toxic behaviors, understanding the importance of boundaries and setting clear boundaries. You can take control of your life and improve your relationships with others. You know? So that's kind of the, we're gonna stop there for tonight. So just keep in mind, setting boundaries is so important and your self-discovery and your journey in life and having healthy relationships, whether it's workplace or romantic relationships, and you're so self worth will improve by setting boundaries and setting boundaries is something that you'll have to do the rest of your life. And it's important that you do it because if you don't, other people will take advantage of you and manipulate you and mentally abuse you.
(01:09:18):
You know, I was told one time that if I ever left the relationship, they would commit suicide. And you know, that's something that hangs over my head. And it is scary because I love this person so much and I feel like I, anybody can tell me what they want and say that, you know, that's not on me. That's her choice. But if I choose to leave her, I feel like I'm the reason she's doing it. And I don't know if I'd ever be able to live with myself. And, you know, as long as she stays sober and clean just like me, I pray it works out. But if, you know, I can't, she's gotta set that boundary on me too. And communicate. Communication is huge in relationships, whether they're romantic or not. You have to be assertive and speak your mind. You know, it can be so hard and challenging, but you know what? You can do it. Why? Because everybody has it in them. And to be resilient, whether you're at the rock bottom or you're at the top, we're all gonna face challenges in our life. And, and like we've ended at other shows, we're gonna end this one the same way That Hope is one thing that you can never lose. Sight of hope is what will get you through everything. And you have to remember that and keep that because without hope you ain't gonna have anything. You can, you might as well wash your hands and give up because with without any hope, there's nothing left. Hope inspires others to take action and believe in others. And, you know, set that tone for fighting. You know, if you, if you lose hope, what's the point? Hope is everything in our lives. And I'm not just saying like hoping for like a present. I'm talking hope that inspires you to take action.
(01:12:25):
You know, and like our signing off on here, we'll do in a few minutes. But first of all, I wanna, you know, make sure you guys check out our website, lj voice project.com. And if you're looking for a motivational speaker I share my story and, you know, check out our websites, it'll pop up book today. If you're not ready to book today, that doesn't matter. That's okay. And you can click yes or no on those cookies. I don't, I'm not, I'm not really wanting to ask questions about that. I don't get it. But that's not my specialty. I just speak on experience and you know, also check out our, our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter accounts where we post, you know, motivational stuff and yeah, so that's all of our handles for Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter and LinkedIn and Pinterest are all LJ voice project. So with that, I want to say just like we always do, keep hope alive.
